Hmmmm…Do they still call it French kissing in France?

The short answer is ‘No’.

Believe it or not (and you should believe it because it’s true – I read it on the internet and blatantly ripped off for this post) for centuries, there was no official French word for the sloppy Gallic export we know as the ‘French kiss’.  Of course that certainly never stopped them from doing it.  But in May 2013, this huge omission was rectified when the one-word verb ‘galocher‘ – to kiss with tongues – was added to the ‘Petit Robert’ 2014 French dictionary.

une-parisienne-movie-poster-1957-1020417569It may surprise you that France – a country famed for its amorous exploits and which gave the world sex-symbol Brigitte Bardot and romantic photographer Robert Doiseau – is only just linguistically embracing the popular pastime, but Laurence Laporte of the Robert publishing house says that it’s just the way language evolves.

We always had many expressions to describe “French-kissing,” like “kissing at length in the mouth,” but it’s true, we’ve never had one single word.”

The term ‘French kiss’ – once also called a ‘Florentine kiss’ – is popularly considered to have been brought back to the English-speaking world by soldiers returning from Europe after World War I. At the time, the French had a reputation for more adventurous sexual practices.

‘Galocher’ is a slang term that’s been around for a while but only now is it being officially recognized in the French dictionary.  Derived from ‘la galoche’, the word for an ice-skate, the new term riffs evocatively on the idea of sliding around the ice.

Think about that, next time you’re wrapped around your sweetie, tangling tongues.

So next time you’re sweet talking your amour try Voulez-vous galocher avec moi?

Tuesday Teaser

Don’t forget that Dead and Kicking is now available for pre-order at most major online retailers.  Check out my Books and Coming Soon page for details.

The basement of the club was a warren of dark, narrow hallways lined with doors behind which, who knew what was happening.  Unfortunately the throbbing beat from the dance floor above wasn’t enough to drown out some of the sounds filtering through the odd door, so I had a pretty good idea of what was going on behind at least some of them.

A door abruptly opened as we were walking past and I caught a glimpse inside, confirming my suspicions.  We were in an S&M sex club.  A few steps later, another door opened and a tall, blonde vampire wearing 5-inch, lace up platform ankle boots stepped out into the hall.  She pulled a gauzy robe on over her black, patent leather corset.

“Now you be a very good boy Murray and wait there for me.”  She tapped the end of a riding crop against her black leather glove.  “You know what happens when you are naughty.”  She turned and saw me, raising an appraising eyebrow.  “Come to play, Kitten?” she purred, reaching out with the end of the riding crop to stroke my cheek.

I flinched away, not wanting it to touch me and she laughed.  I turned and looked her in the eye and it was her turn to flinch.  “Not unless you want me to snap that thing in half and stake you through the heart with it, Sweetheart.”  I smiled sweetly and her eyes widened in surprise.  Her face twisted into a snarl and she took a step towards me.

Stefan put a hand against her chest, giving her a little push backwards.  “Not now Simeen, this one’s not for you.”

Simeen threw me a contemptuous look and then turned with a flourish.  Her robe billowed behind her like a cape as she stalked off down the hall.  The cheeks of her bare ass jiggled as she walked.  It kind of ruined the whole effect.

Dead and Kicking by Lisa Emme

Do you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain or have I just dated myself?

In a previous post, I compared the book blurb to a dating profile. I thought the comparison was pretty apt, but nothing is more like a dating profile than trying to write your author bio.

pina coladas

The author bio is yet another important, but often overlooked, element of not only your book but any of a multitude of author pages (for example on Goodreads or Amazon) as well as your own website.

Like a dating profile, you need to sell yourself to your readers. Your goal is to make a connection with them, showing who you are as a person. You want to come across as the type of person who would write a book they would want to read.

You really need three versions of your bio:
1. A version to put inside your book as part of the end matter. This can be a little bit longer, but still brevity is key.
2. A version to put on your website or author pages.  Again this could be longer.  It could even be the same as #1 above.
3. A shorter ‘blurb’ type bio for the back of your book.  Keep it short and sweet.  150 words or less.

Just like when writing the book blurb, your author bio should grab the interest of your reader. It should make it easier for your reader to relate to you. Above all else, be honest. The last thing you want to do is come across as someone you`re not – in this electronic age, it would be pretty easy to get called on fudged credentials or accomplishments.

To help you with your author bios, here are a few websites I found useful:

6 Secrets to Writing a Killer Author Bio
How to Write a Great Author Bio That Will Connect with Readers
Tips for Writing Your Author Bio

I hope I managed to accomplish some of these goals with my bio. I guess I`ll have to let you be the judge. Feel free to let me now how I did.

As an added bonus, here`s a few things you may not know about me (and probably will never end up in my bio):

  • I think a movie without popcorn is just wrong
  • I can’t ride in the car with the radio on without singing out loud
  • Spiders ick me out
  • I can drink a coke slurpee at 3 am when it’s -30 C outside
  • I can curl my tongue (it’s a genetic thing, I learned that in grade 9)
  • I think that pineapple on pizza is a waste of perfectly good pineapple (and pizza)
  • I can’t sit in front of a bonfire without poking at it with a stick
  • I’m not a big drinker, but have become a bit of a beer snob (I’ll take a good Belgian beer thanks)


*Readers Looking for Long Term Relationship

You’ve already heard about my struggles with editing, but today I’m going to share another stumbling block on my road to self-publishing: the book blurb.

The blurb, the dustcover, the back of the book description – Whatever you call it, the blurb is very important. It’s your frontline marketing tool. It has to grab the reader’s attention, set your book apart from the hundreds (thousands?) of others, and entice the reader to give your book a try.

I’ve written a book (heck, I’ve actually already written four books). You’d think I could handle writing a short description of it. Afterall, I’ve lived and breathed the story for months. But I’m here to tell you it’s HARD! How do you take your 50,000+ words and condense them into less than three hundred while making it sound exciting and interesting?

ladies-in-little-black-dressesThe more I think about it, the more I realize that the blurb is like an online dating profile. You may have got everyone’s attention with that sexy, little black dress (the book cover) but the blurb is your chance to show them that there is some substance there too.

Just like a dating profile should honestly portray your personality, your blurb should reflect the writing style of your book. Don’t make it sound like a comedy when it’s actually dark drama. Like the cover itself, your blurb is a promise to the reader. It makes a statement about what they can expect to find inside. Don’t break your promise or you’ll find yourself without readers (or dates).

Your blurb is your perfect pick up line. Clever and engaging and certainly not cliché. It should be tailored to the audience you want to date, er…I mean attract. If you say you like hunting and fishing in your dating profile, don’t complain when you find yourself stuck on a boat for six hours using live worms for bait. The same goes with your blurb. Don’t dress a romance up like a psychological thriller and then wonder why everyone is slamming your book for not delivering as promised in their reviews.

Above all – and I don’t mean to sound like your Mom, but hey, mothers usually have good advice – don’t give it all away on the first date. Leave them wanting more. You’re writing a blurb, not a synopsis. You don’t want to summarize the entire story or drop any spoilers. You want to tantalize the reader, not give the game away. The blurb should be short and sweet. Your reader will probably only glance quickly at the back cover or their eyes might simply skim over the online description. In those few seconds you need to whet their apetite so they want to buy your book. You know how the old saying goes. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free!

To help you craft the perfect blurb, here are a couple of links that I found helpful:

The Do’s and Don’ts of Writing a Blurb for your Novel
4 Easy Steps to an Irresistible Book Blurb

So how did I do with my blurb?  Did I pique your interest?  Did I leave you wanting more?  I’d love to hear from you.

This really has nothing to do with book blurb, but I thought it was funny. If you have ever tried online dating, I'm sure you'll get it.

This really has nothing to do with writing a book blurb, but I thought it was funny. If you have ever tried online dating, I’m sure you’ll get it.

What’s wrong with getting an eBook for nothing?

A rant for Monday. I totally agree. I will not undersell the value of my hard work. When authors give away their work for free or sell it for next to nothing, it hurts the independent publishing community as a whole by perpetuating the idea that indies are worth less.

Have We Had Help?

Free Books.001

Everything, that’s what!!!

The fact that today’s readers of eBooks demand it must be free or on offer as part of an all you can read for x number of dollars per month package deal, is just so wrong!

Face it people, when you go to your supermarket to get your groceries, or to any other retail outlet you care to name, do you get what you want for nothing? No of course not. So why should you expect to get a book for free? I’ve heard some people claim it should be free because an eBook isn’t a real book, only an electronic file. Good grief morons, try engaging your brains for once in your lives! These same idiots argue that they should be able to download their favourite music for free as well. I have just two words on that subject – Taylor Swift!!!

Thanks to Amazon belabouring…

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